Too Much Dough!

I've been thinking for a while about all the Apple fanboys and fangirls I seem to be surrounded by and in fact have been admonished at length regarding my preference for PCs by the likes of Phil O Kane and Andy McMillan in very recent times.

It's like owning a Macbook gives you entry into some upper echelon of geekdom that even the most ardent PC user is locked out of, not to mention anyone who is horrified by Apple's frankly farcical pricing. And I've been plotting a response ever since, some answer to the Mac porn I'm constantly surrounded by.

If I had the time I might well have gone for a rip off of the Marks and Spencer's ads, you know the ones with the lurid close ups of food and the breathy voice overs.

But alas, and I bow in reverence to them, the Simpsons have come along and beaten the pants off my ideas with the Mapple episode, where Springfield gets a Mapple store. The clips are genius. Thank you so much Simpsons people, you've made me happier than you can ever know.

An apple today helps you work, rest and play

After nigh on a decade of avoiding them, in fact if truth be told, actively speaking out against them I'm just about to give in and get my first bit of Apple kit. As of tomorrow, I'll be attached to the new Iphone for 18 months and I'm scared.

Scared that I'll like the bloody thing too much. Fearful that the beauty and slickness of the machines that I've managed to miss for so long will become blindingly clear and that my bank balance, social life and general persona will suffer.

I'm terrified that the PC lovin' crew of which I've always been a part will find me and out me as an Applephile, Brass Eye style and that I'll finally have to make reparations to the likes of Wayne Matier, a guy I grew up with who actually has the Apple logo tattooed on his leg he's such a zealot.

God help me I'm taking the apple. The sins of the world will all be my fault.